(To the Tune: The Answer is Blowin’ in the Wind)
Aunt Sarah (I’ve changed her name to protect her legacy as a Ladies’ Lady) farted a lot. Especially as she got older, but she never acknowledged that truth. If she was ever referring to someone else, she might use the dainty phrase “passing wind.”
One evening, there were a number of family members with her at the dinner table when she let one loose, a two-cheek sneak, if you will, and one of the young kids said ‘Aunt Sarah (again, not her real name) farted. She turned beet red, because up until that moment in time, we had all pretended we never heard or smelled anything that she intestinally exuded. We all know there are basically two kinds of bum burps, trouser coughs, spider barks or whatever term you choose to call them: Silent but deadly or noisy but harmless. Let’s just say hers were neither silent nor harmless and leave it at that. This never diminished our genuine love for her, and in a strange, sort of empathic way, actually increased our affection for her.
Every woman wants a song written about her. Although she is no longer with us (a polite way of saying she’s dead) I don’t think that this is what she would have had in mind in that regard.Download Lyrics (PDF)