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Fifty Ways to Love Your Liver

(To the Tune: Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover)

This world is divided into three types: Those who love liver and those who don’t. I’m in the ‘don’t’ category. Growing up, I wasn’t a picky eater and ate just about anything and everything put in front of me. But both of my parents liked liver. I didn’t want to let on that I couldn’t stand the taste or the texture, so I always chose the tiniest piece and disguised its taste with ketchup, mustard, relish and anything else that was on the table or in the kitchen cupboards.

An old room-mate of mine was a lousy cook, but loved his liver. I pictured him and his girl-friend when I re-wrote this song.

If I ever meet Paul Simon who wrote the original ‘Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, I’ll invite him up for a cold drink. After all, I keep “A Fridge Full of Bottled Water.”

Warning: very subtle (almost non-visible to the human ear) sexual innuendos within this particular parody

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